| >>djpaulette [back to postcards archive mlenu] APRIL 07 : SUBSTANDARD EXPENSIVE S**T – PART 2 20/04/07 Where was I? Oh yes. The Susbstandard Expensive S…unglasses. You would have been proud of me – I returned them the following day - and at the crack of dawn too. Okay maybe not at exactly the crack of dawn (anyone who knows me well will know that I have difficulty doing the crack of dawn unless I am going to sleep and run to my own White Rabbit clock in the day, just like the London Underground) but it was tackled soon enough to illicit the righteous and embarrassed ‘moins de deux heures’ responses from the assistant dealing with my complaint (who was thankfully not the one who sold me the dud sunnies so I was double-winning). I embellished the story in true Capricorn style (a shaggy dog would have looked decidely mangy next to this tale of woe) and the woman ‘oohed’, ‘aahed’ and ‘je suis desole’d’’ in all the right places. In fact, Lebihans were very thorough and returned them to the manufacturers in England (YEAH LONDON) to be tested, blah blah blah before the brand-new-not-repaired replacements arrived on Wednesday. Not that I’m a Superfiicial Sunglasses Snob or anything but they didn’t arrive a day too late – the sun’s out and the contact lenses are firmly in! And whilst we’re on the subject of superficiality, many have asked when I am going to do a new photo session. In fact, I have been continually asking myself the same question - and the answer is … SOON JEDI SOON AND … AS SOON AS MY CHICKEN POX SCARS HAVE FADED ENOUGH FOR ME TO DO A SESSION THAT DOES NOT NEED SERIOUS RE-TOUCHING OR PHOTOSHOPPING OR BOTH. I have never had a session retouched in my life … but given the human dot-to-dot nature of my complexion right now, I have realized that IT IS NOW QUITE A SEXY OPTION. The sad thing is that I was always hyper critical of my skin before I caught The Pox: if I saw one spot I became a lotion and potion freak until said spot died a very quick death. I was stupidly obsessed and critical of myself and now I can see that it was for no reason at all. It has taken a good dose of chicken pox to make me appreciate that which was previously in front of my face and moreover to appreciate more that which is in front of my face now as healing nicely and being NOT THAT BAD. Still, I have realized that I have a very talented girlfriend (she does all the digital retouching for Mario Sorrenti) and if my eventual session is more leopard-like than lovely, I will be putting in a call to NYC and Lady Macbeth-ing it all the way to the flyers. Self obsessed? Me? Never! LOL. Yes – for the record - chicken pox is insanity in your adult skin for far longer than you think you can stand it. It’s far worse as an adult as nobody buys you presents for being sick plus you don’t enjoy the two weeks of fever, sweating, pox-a-popping, scratching and being bed-ridden in anything like the same way. It’s honestly a hell on earth. Plus there are other, more annoying complications: like it running down your nervous system and leaving you open to catch every infection going once the spots have gone. I currently have an eye infection, a streaming cold and swollen glands on top of my usual hayfever. Don't get me wrong - it's nothing that will kill me, nor am I in bed or hospitalised but I really am catching every little bug like I’m a human butterfly net! Damn. I can’t wait for things to get back to normal! In order to take my mind off all things medical, I have been working hard and I have also busied myself with making other things around me more beautiful. More practical. More professional. Yes, Spring has sprung chez moi, the apartment has been thoroughly cleaned and the salle de musique has been singled out to have its Steptoe’s Yard looking-ass truly kicked. Gone are the throws and the decidedly dodgy (read wonky, unlevel) tables that questionable, emotional attachment had saved from the Wednesday morning, large items skip. In come the sexy, Baccarat-looking black glass tables; in come the liquid metal JBL creatures (the best Easter egg I have ever opened); in came the sleek, touch-sensitive Samsung screen and second hard-drive, in came the Pioneer Groove Box and after emotional attachment lost out once again when I unceremoniously dumped my trusty but honestly knackered Vestax PMC 25, in came the Pioneer DJM 800 mixer – the undisputed Jewel In My New Office Crown. After much dust inhalation and black snotty hankies and a real investment that makes me feel maybe not so guilty about the sunglasses mentioned above, the Salle De Musique now looks like a decent office and my office now looks like a proper studio. All I need now is to replace Noos for an internet service provider that actually provides a decent daily service (long story) … and to buy a new, sleek chair … and the G5 Mac I promised myself last year … and then I can really think about doing some production. Until the G5 and chair time arrives, I am concentrating on improving my mixing and mixes (which I can do standing up). So there. As for the internet – we have just spent the last ten days without internet. Poor Mr has unfortunately been in the doghouse because of it for just as long as this has been his responsibility ever since the last technician asked me to find someone who speaks French to report our complaint. Anyway, the service went off on Easter Sunday and since then we have made ourselves so familiar with the technicians at Noos that we are now on first name terms – but try as they might, this did not unglitch our glitch. Our appointment was Wednesday 18 April 2007 between 10am and 12. Technician arrived at 11.30. It was fixed and he’d gone (but the smell hadn’t) by 11.35am. I didn’t know whether to kiss him or hit him since all he did was reset the modem: something that we’d already done a thousand times but he had a little techy trick up his sleeve that he wasn’t willing to share. I asked him. He just said some boxes happily reset themselves and others need help. Call it a ‘no brainer’ but I would like a modem that doesn’t need help rebooting when it crashes … Or is that too much to ask? In my spare time (ie that time spent in and on metros, dentist and doctor’s surgery waiting rooms, trains, planes and airport lounges but not in cars or coaches as I get travel sick and would projectile vomit!) I have been mostly … reading and reading A LOT and have thoroughly enjoyed the 100th anniversary rewrite of Bill Brewster and Frank Broughton’s Must-Read ‘Last Night a DJ Saved my Life’. My brother in law, Martin bought me a copy of the original version for my birthday when it was launched in 2001 and I loved it but I made the fatal mistake of leaving it in my toilet for others to ‘appreciate’. My mate Gary ‘Pikey’ Mills nabbed it and, despite frequent pleadings, it has never been returned. Imagine my joy at the rewrite – or should I say – remix, five years later. It has a lighter, brighter, lovelier new cover, has lots of new charts and a couple of new chapters, is nearly 600 pages long and was a page-turner worth every centime of the ‘ouch what a stinger’ imported English book price (which is incidentally three and a bit times the UK cover price). If anyone knows a decent French publisher with great translators (whose editors have a killer sense of translating English humour into French) please let me know, as I am eager to broker the publishing deal. Despite being translated into Serb Croat and Japanese, and available almost everywhere, this book has not been translated into French, which does not make any sense, especially when reading and showing how superior one’s knowledge is, is very much a French national pastime!!!! Another national pastime is discussing the upcoming Presidential Election in May: who will win? Sarkozy? Royal? Bayrou? Will a Royal / Bayrou merger head off the Sarkozy threat? Will complacency and tactical voting allow Jean Marie Le Pen to increase his percentage, narrowing the gap on Sarkozy? Will Mademoiselle Royal get a new stylist??? The general feeling is that nobody really feels confident in what any of the candidates has to offer and despite all the political hoop-la (the explosion of books, tv programmes and magazine cover features about each candidate has been phenomenal), there are no revolutionaries and there is no messiah. All I know is that if Le Pen gets in, I’m off, boyfriend or no boyfriend … I am very proud of myself – surprise of surprises – I went to the theatre and saw my very first French play. The play was called ‘sauvée par une coquette & le rêve du papillon’ was written by Guan Hanqing and had the allure of a traditional Chinese ceremony. The staging was stark white, simple yet truly stunning: the set, costumes and the actors had an almost origami-like appearance and the atmosphere was very zen. I did not fall asleep. I fully understood. For sure it wasn’t a French literary classic – I am NOT that good (yet!) - but it was a Chinese play translated into French which discussed the political / social conditions for women in China 700 years ago (conditions and themes which still resonate in the present). I enjoyed every minute of it AND I could remember it all when I got back. I was however completely braindead and could barely communicate with Charlotte and Pika in in the taxi, thanks to (and I’m not ashamed to say it) a wonderful yet exhausting concentration overload!!! One day I will see a Molière or a Flaubert and then you will be super impressed (and so will I!!! LOL) I have just been invited to watch the Arsenal / Spurs game via the Music Industry Gooners network. They’re watching it in Muswell Hill on the big screen and it would have been a great opportunity to catch up with all my old mates who haven’t got a ticket for the game itself but where will I be? DJ’ing in Rouen, that’s where. I have got to be more like Gilles Peterson and start planning my diary around the footie fixtures! (just kidding of course!) Still last time I played at Chakra in Rouen I had a blast and am sure it will be the same again and more. Follow the dodgy yellow lamp-post posters bearing my name in classy capital letters, that’s what I say ? There’s some lovely music around – keep your ears open for AIALL’s ‘Get Dumb’ on Data Records (now one of the highlights of my set after many weeks of hammering it around the world), Itamar Sagi’s ‘Cancun’ on Be As One is a deadly exocet, Trilogy’s ‘Apocalypse Rock’ could well be a summer hit in the making, John Dahlback has a raft of releases on Pickadoll for you to take your pick from and Blue Foundation’s ‘Sweep’ on Renaissance is beautiful and honestly to die for (Mikkel Metal remixes). On a dubbed out, chilled out tip please check the Bitches Brew label for Musical Blaze Up and Brownswood for Sarah Webb’s chocolate and molasses ‘Keep Movin’: both are something rather special indeed – you can almost smell the smoke and candles!. Favourite albums / eps (this week) are Sarah Lindley-Jones and My Federation on Eye Industries, Jay Z’s ‘Kingdom Come’ with the unfeasibly large ‘Show Me What You Got’ and I have been revisiting my Radiohead collection on a regular basis. My god - this is way longer than I thought and then not even long enough by half. No wonder all my school reports commented that ‘Paulette is a bright and willing child but maybe talks a bit too much and can be a distraction to those around her’. I just hope that this distraction was worth the read ? Be good to yourself! |