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APRIL 2008:

MY FIRST FRENCH BLOG - Mon premier blog français
Current mood: accomplished
Category: like a fledgling poet laureate - Blogging

After three years in France I decided that it was about time that I learnt to speak and write properly in French: it makes sense really, especially since I realised after failing miserably with the recent M6 interview and with the speech I made after I won the FG Burn Award that I have a tendency to be nonsensical in French. This is funny for me of course but unintelligible for everyone else.

So I have started lessons in earnest and every fortnight Prof Tof (as I fondly call him) corrects my homework, sets me exercises and lets me speak in very bad French so that he can correct my common and usual errors. This is called learning. And even though it is a slow process that is hindered by three years of speaking the language very badly, I love it.

Anyway - I have decided to let you into this little part of my world...

Here is one of my first creative writing exercises in French. Enjoy. Even if you don't speak French I know you will appreciate it as a landmark. There will be more to come. For those who read French, feel free to comment on this blog. Positive criticism is welcomed. I have included the question so you know why I chose this particular story... Enjoy.

Il t'est arrivé une histoire, et tu en as tiré une leçon utile. Raconte.

Il y a sept ans que cette histoire a commencé. J'ai fait une bonne soirée dans une boîte de nuit réputée à Varsovie. Le lendemain, mon chauffeur pour l'aeroport était une jeune homme trés grand, a qui je n'avais pas eu l'occasion de parler avant. Quand je suis montée dans la voiture, j'ai vu un petit jouet curieux sur le tableau de bord. C'était un des personnages de la Rue Sesame, je ne connais pas son nom mais c'est l'oiseau bleu. On a bien rigolé, de l'hôtel à l'aeroport, parce que c'était le jouet d'un Happy Meal et le gars n'était pas un gamin. Quand on est arrivé à l'aeroport il m'a donné l'oiseau.

Mais ce n'est pas le fin de mon histoire parce que Samedi soir dernier, j'ai eu ma première soirée à Varsovie depuis cette date. Aprés j'ai fini ma soirée on a visité un autre boîte de nuit. Des que je suis entrée, un grand homme qui faisait les éclairages m'a dit: "Comment va l'oiseau bleu?" ça m'as pris un moment pour comprendre. Il a répété la phrase trois ou quatre fois avant que je comprenne ce qu'il m'a dit. C'était le même jeune homme (mais sept ans plus tard) et le plus marrant, c'est que j'ai bien gardé l'oiseau.

Et la leçon que j'ai tirée de cette histoire est qu'il ne faut jamais oublier des bons souvenirs et ne jamais jeter les objets qui s'y rattachent.

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And if you are really interested in the blue bird, you will find him sitting very happily on my record shelves in the living room next to my disco ball bottle of Absolut Vodka!

Bonne soirée a tous
A le prochaine.
Paulette x

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POSTCARDS ABOUT PAUVRES CONS AND OTHER DELICIOUS TITBITS

I am at home in the afternoon again for the fifth time this
week, the drilling and maintenance works have stopped (albeit
momentarily since I just spoke too soon) yet there is an eerie
silence in our apartment that is punctured and punctuated by
the most hideous hacking cough. Is that me? Ask the
philanthropist who generously donated his or her volatile
airborne germs to my ‘keep Paulette fit and healthy’ campaign
coffers before I could snap them shut with a ‘target total
reached’ satisfaction. Needless to say I am sick again (it’s that
time of year) and apparently I am not alone, which makes me
feel so much better of course. Never mind the fact that between
you and me it feels much closer to ‘of course not’.

Not in favour of parking my arse on fine doctor’s surgery
leatherware at any opportunity, I have chosen instead to keep
the local pharmacy in business. In five days I have graduated
from Stodal - the homeopathic, placebo effect syrup to the full-
strength, don’t miss your metro stop, Toplexil which tastes like
vanilla and caramel with a dash of coal tar and carbolic for
added pep. Actifed Day and Night are tackling the fever like a
rugby scrum half, whilst Humex Nasal Drops and Strepsils
Fraises are clearing the blockages and soothing the broken
glass gargle effect that has left the back of my throat looking
like a pulsing neon advert for an Amsterdam brothel. And even
though I think I should, I am not taking anything for the ribs
that I have clearly broken or displaced by coughing for Guinness
Book of Records’ breaking duration.

I have wasted some very fine meals this week since the flu
seems to have tied an elastic band around my appetite and for
some reason (some might call it regression, others comfort
eating, others feeling sorry for myself but I say it’s just because
I enjoy it since it doesn’t make me dry heave with every
mouthful) the only thing I seem to manage to eat a full bowl of
(without pushing it around my plate for an hour like a petulant
child) is cereal. I am currently keeping Kellog’s in business and
am loving Lunastella (nut and chocolate flavoured crescent
moons and stars), Tresor (chocolate pillows filled with – wait for
it – Nutella) and Smacks (aka Sugar Puffs). That and compotes
– pomme banane, pomme abricot, pomme anything. And
fashion week or no fashion week, I have abandoned all sartorial
elegance in favour of a selection of Christmas present and past
pyjamas that I actually thought I would never wear but now
realize their useful appeal. Pyjamas rock. Put them on the
catwalk. There’s nothing like an oversized, half-mast, baggy
shapeless trouser / shirt combination and a hot water bottle to
make you feel at one with your world when you’re sick and
recuperating. Bring on the Lucozade and green grapes that’s
what I say!

It’s really weird. I keep phasing in and out of consciousness but
dreaming that I am still typing this blog, then when I open my
eyes nothing has changed apart from my laptop battery
showing 55% power. All I can say is that I know that feeling
personally.

Don’t get me wrong the tiredness isn’t all Mr Flu’s fault. I accept
full responsibility for the dearth myself, since I have been
working and playing a little bit too and against doctors orders.
I’m not the sort of person who revels in lying in bed, groaning
and clinking chains like Mrs Haversham. I just like to do
whatever is required by working flat out through a medicinal
purple haze and in quick, tiger-strike bursts and then crash and
burn like a downward spiraling Spitfire. I am sure you know the
coup. And for sure this week’s Radio FG show, the aptly titled
‘Sweaty Betty’ was recorded and playlisted and distributed on
time as always. Trooper is my middle name after all.

I’ve done quite a few press and TV interviews over the last few
weeks and as a result have become a super proficient Parisian
tour guide in the process. Check out my ‘Secret Cities’ feature
on www.endclub.com or my ‘Clubber’s Guide to Paris’ on
www.ministryofsound.com/tv for a little light relief. You might
also like to check out www.boyz.co.uk archives for the interview I
did to promote my Valentine’s Day set at The End in London. I
spent much of Monday just passed running around Paris buying
items and writing notes for a feature called ‘City Cents’ that will
run in the March or April issue of the Ryanair in-flight magazine:
the object of the exercise is to spend 100 euros in your home
town on a selection of items that fully represent your city. I
think I chose quite well but I will not divulge the contents. All I
will say is that I wanted to keep the package instead of mailing
it. If you are on a Ryanair flight sometime soon check out the
in-flight magazine and let me know what you think.

I have also done quite a bit of traveling since Christmas but
annoyingly still haven’t accumulated enough points to graduate
from Air France Silver class to Gold. I swear that that Loyalty
Scheme is less useful than Green Shield Stamps ever were (and
if, like me, you spent your youth licking books worth of Green
Shield Stamps for your mum and seeing only a set of Arcoroc
tumblers or a Capo Di Monte rose in return you will
understand). This aside, at least the travel part has been
unhindered: I even managed to get a taxi during the taxi
driver’s strike so in that respect luck has definitely been on my
side.

I had a boozy, belated birthday celebration at the Life’s a Bitch
party at Club Q Zurich – the club was packed to bursting plus all
my favourite Swiss were there – Claude Bravi, Felicia, Daniel,
Pasquale, Danny Freakazoid, Elvis Benoit, Stephanie (Freaky
Chick), Gogo and a few more besides. I followed this with a day
off in Paris before taking the train with Sebastien to Bordeaux
for Rainbow Music’s Nouvel An extravaganza at Espace Tatry.
Even though the venue had changed quite late in the day, it still
showed Bordeaux and the Bordelais at their busy, banging and
beautiful best (check pictures on the photogallery for proof!). I
thank Steve and Hallex and the lovely Charlotte Valdes and
friends for making me feel at home as soon as they took their
place at the front of the stage. I heart you all too and I am still
giggling about the confetti fight we had onstage at the end! <3
<3 <3

Les Planches, Deauville was another full on session. It was nice
to see a few familiar faces in the crowd and I spent an age
signing autographs and taking pictures before sharing the taxi
home with four ardent fans who clearly didn’t want the party to
end. It was a funny journey back to the hotel, and it was made
all the more lovely after stopping at the all night bakery for a
bag of piping hot pain au chocolate.

I was worried about playing at Vogue in Reims, and not just
because it was one of the first parties I had played since the
non-smoking Bill came into force in France. The last time I
played in Reims I played for Fashion TV and the party was quite
commercial. I needn’t have worried though, as from the second
I walked through the door the energy in this club was incredible.
Electric. I was given such a warm welcome that I returned their
welcome tenfold with a show de folie! I signed autographs and
took, photos for an hour after I had finished and could have
played for longer if my train back hadn’t been so early. Next
time.

I have never been to the Midem Conference in Cannes, nor
have I taken a booking through Myspace and nor have I ever
stayed at the Martinez Hotel so this achieved firsts in every
respect. Charles Schillings mailed me direct through Myspace to
offer me a spot at the Pschent Closing party for the Midem
Conference. I know of Pschent through their amazing Hotel
Costes compilation series so I considered the request an
honour and agreed straight away. I got a little nervous nearer
the time when I realized that I was playing on the same bill as
Louie Vega and Jellybean Benitez but after a few ‘you do realize
that Paulette plays electro house and does not play soulful
house’ emails from my people to theirs, the running order was
settled and everybody was happy. The organization was pretty
tight: met from the airport by a chauffeur who got a puncture
before we’d left the car park but after a change of vehicle it was
plain sailing. The Martinez hotel was admittedly amazing –
although 34 euros for a beefburger with no chips or salad and
no ketchup, mayonnaise or condiments seemed ever so slightly
like taking the piss to me. The set up for the party was pure
rockstar with an enormous video wall and stage but (in order to
avoid disappointment) I had been told to expect a room full of
hard-to-please music industry people (not a usual club night
and not your usual clubbers) but me being me, well, let’s just
say that the roof blew off and there are a couple of super short
clips available to prove it. Get the flavour of the party for
yourself by hitting either http://www.mefeedia.com/entry/dj-
paulette-live-midem-08/6259237/ or
http://www.mefeedia.com/entry/dj-paulette-live-midem-take-
2/6259236/ and enjoy. Big thanks to Mapdance and
Groovenight’s Lele for recording the clips!!!

I normally get nervous before I play no matter whether it is my
residency or not, but there has been one particular night when I
couldn’t even eat at home! Adrenalin does funny things to your
appetite that’s for sure. The David Guetta party at Mix (February
22nd) was the event that everyone expected it to be. The club
was ridiculously packed, so much so that I was sure I saw a
shoal of sardines comparing their best tecktonic moves near the
bar at the back and, yes, the vibe was positively jumping. I was
asked to do an interview for M6 but I am sure it hit the cutting
room floor as try though I might I couldn’t concentrate for long
enough to string an intelligent French sentence together. It
looks like I will have to wait for another opportunity to get my
French TV 15 minutes of fame ? Still, as nervous as I was I
followed David with my usual energy and the party went on until
nearly 7am. I even passed on a track to him – so look out for
Mescal Kid’s ‘Magic’ on Size Records because it is a sleeping
giant.

Despite coming down with the flu and having a fever that
reduced me to a sweaty mess, I (and my four bags of
shopping) had the amazing fortune to see the Vivienne
Westwood Gold Show during Paris Fashion Week. Another first
for me, since I have never attended a Fashion Week fashion
show in any city ever, and this was a stunning show with a
spectacular, show-stopping, stilt-walking model and edgy,
eccentric clothing that left a lasting impression (and thankfully
not just for the inane conversations I heard in the queue whilst
waiting to go in).

I could swear I heard a shotgun?? Mr and Mrs Sarkozy privately
tied the knot at the Elysée on February 2nd (just like I said they
would but everyone told me I was crazy so I shut up). Marisa
Tedeschi-Bruni (Carla’s mother) said (in People Magazine) that
the service was ‘very moving’ and swiftly dispelled all rumours of
whether Mrs Bruni-Sarkozy (for that is how she signed her
wedding certificate) has a brioche in the oven with a very vague
‘we shall see’. I’m putting all of my money on there being a
Virgo / Libran baby in the Elysée nursery wing by the end of
2008. Now that Sarkozy has proved that he is just like us (fou
d’amour) he is also acting like a ‘racaille’ and had an
interesting weekend at the Salon De L’Agriculture losing his cool
and being super impolite when he was greeted by someone he
didn’t really want to welcome – check Youtube
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0tNdNxvmH-4 for Nicolas
Sarkozy’s ‘caisse toi, alors pauvre con!’ clip. When you
understand that it’s the equivalent of seeing the Queen tell a
disgruntled but loyal subject to go f*** themselves you will
appreciate why so many column inches have been spent
discussing it.


Now they are in South Africa – we are being treated to pictures
of Carla Bruni-Sarkozy on her first official trip grinning like a
dumb tourist taking happy snaps with the locals rather than
projecting with the dignity and poise of a first lady meeting
dignitaries and the heads of state. Straighten up and fly right
both of you! Life is not a dress rehearsal for any of us, least of
all you two.

On the positive French side, I was super pleased to see Marion
Cotillard beat all records by gaining the full brace of a Golden
Globe, a BAFTA, a César and an Oscar for her performance as
Edith Piaf in ‘La Môme’. I made the embarrassing mistake of
watching the DVD on the Eurostar back from London and I cried
like a girl from beginning to end of the movie and nearly all the
way home (Eurostar St Pancras to Gare Du Nord in 2 hours and
15 minutes what bliss!). Despite my French friends criticizing
every inch of this movie, I thought it was marvelous. Marion
Cotillard’s portrayal gave me goosebumps as she really
inhabited Piaf’s skin, everything is beautifully shot, the film has
a very fluid movement and the music scenes are very
convincing. In short, Marion Cotillard well deserved every one of
her four awards (especially after all the hard work she put into it
– read Franch Glamour cover feature Avril 2008 – the Oscars
publicity machine as she reports it is impressive) so rent it, see
it, buy it, borrow it: you won’t regret it. I sent my Mum a copy
for Mother’s Day (which is tomorrow) and bought the soundtrack
for myself so there!

Musically the next few months are going to be full pedal to the
metal again with parties in Poland, Ibiza, Lyon, Dubai and in
between I will be attending the first International Music Summit
in Ibiza and will report back with news from all very soon.
Tickets for the International Music Summit are nearly sold out
so you will have to be very quick to secure one if you wish to
attend.

And what’s hot in my box right now? Crookers. Crookers.
Crookers. I have been following this Italian duo for some time
now, and have also been trying to book them to play at my
residency at Mix Club since as far as I can see they could well
be the next Basement Jaxx if they are creative enough to
create a band around their dynamic on stage delivery and
twisted productions. Also hot? Look out for the following tracks and you won’t be disappointed …

Unkle Restless Fake Blood Surrender All
Swen Weber Android Main Alphabet City
Tube & Berger Vs Swen Weber Hayabusa Original Alphabet City
Jukey Feat Sway The Way We Go Laidback Luke Data
Fischerspooner Danse En France D.I.M Kitsune
Autophase Chicken Wrap Original Curfew

Well at least those are the sounds that I’m risking my shirt on,
but feel free to let me know if you think differently!

Enjoy the rest of your weekend and have a wonderful SPRING!!!!
Look after yourself, stay happy and smiling and always
remember the music.
Xox and light
Paulette x


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