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Sofa So Good - or essay on the life expectancy of an Ikea sofa.

It took us months to buy our sofa but thankfully a lot less time to get our heads around enjoying it and migrating from the 'gotta work out to get down and get back up again' beanbags, to the arse and body seducing gravity pull of the ikea sofa cushions. We love(d) our sofa. So imagine my horror when woken yesterday (whilst resting from the sleep deprived excesses of the trips to Croatia, Megeve and Porto Veccio / Figari) by the rather comic and super loud sound of something giving way underneath me.

thought process followed this very slow train ...
1. wtf was that
1a. I am not super heavy so no need for panic stations just yet. sleep more. think less.
2. no, think more. sound was a bit too loud for knicker elastic. bit too quiet for wooden sofa frame. all good. must be safe then.
3. erm ... no ... that definitely sounded more like something underneath the sofa so, unless there is a midget sound effects orchestra living underneath the sofa that i have forgotten to hoover away whilst cleaning (that seb has forgotten to hoover away whilst cleaning since he never moves the furniture out and i always do), i am possibly not safe at all.
4. if, as i think, i am now possibly not safe, i am now required to leap off sofa and do something ... i think.
5. i am knackered. leaping isn't part of my lexicon today. sleep more. leap less.
6. shoot withering stare at boyfriend who has made some assinine comment about the comedy sound. withering look delivered. am still lying on sofa but have taken as much weight as possible off my arse. don't know where it's gone but i do feel lighter. wish i could repeat this in everyday life but can't. so now what?
7. wake up you lazy fool. there's only one sofa and it's only 5pm. evening was meant to be spent 'relaxing' in front of the tv.
8. untangle self from blankie (yes i have a blankie - so what???) and try to fix whatever it is that has woken me up
9. shoot another withering look at boyfriend who is being useless because he is enjoying the comedy more than the reality of the situation.
10. turn sofa upside down and reveal two dislocated springs in unreachable and hard to fix places.
11. feel fat.
12. feel depressed as idea of a 'relaxing' evening in front of a dvd disappears in puff of smoke.
13. whine about breaking the sofa.
14. devise cunning plan for fixing the sofa.
15. realise that cunning plan for repair cannot be realised until tomorrow night.
16. do more whining about breaking the sofa.
17.realise that if sofa can't be fixed we now have to go through the hell of finding and buying a new one
18. secretly like the idea of buying a new, bigger, more deluxe, more comfortable, more arse seducing model.
19. realise that i am now daydreaming and have broken the sofa in real life.
20. laugh about it.
21. spend the rest of the evening relaxing on the sofa in an 'it's broke and we can't fix it, but we can still sit on it if we don't make any sudden ninja moves' kind of way.

the end.

it's not all about records, music, clubs, parties, planes, trains and automobiles after all.

Today was much less fraught: after a lovely, much needed massage (yes that was me dribbling, face first on the couch again) and a sushi lunch, i spent the rest of the afternoon with my french booking agent Charlotte (Enjoy Booking) and have been trying to help her set up her myspace site. Please visit it and be her friend www.myspace.com/enjoybooking. otherwise i will be fired. And we don't want that now do we?

oooh - ooh ...ooh ... before i go. you are the first to know that as of September 4th my radio FG mixshow has been moved from Thursday night from midnight until one to Friday night from 3am until 4am. Please remember to tune in. Or you're fired! LOL

Have a wonderful week.
xox and light
Paulette x

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